1. Why does your child want to sleep with you? – Your children might feel like they are missing out on something special and want to be involved. Some might be afraid of the dark or could be suffering from separation anxiety. Find the cause and you are on your way to solving the problem.
2. Create a transitional object - Young children tend to internalize their comfortable feelings toward their parents by transferring it to an inanimate object. Blankets, teddy bears and other objects help young toddlers feel secure during the night and in their own bedroom.
3. Help your toddler create an imaginary friend - Imaginary friends provide a sense of comfort and security. Act like you're tucking your toddler's imaginary friend in at night and pretend it's a real person. If your toddler gets scared during the night, they can look to their "friend" so they won't feel so alone.
4. Have a set and consistent bedtime - Children need boundaries and schedules. Allowing your young child to go to bed at 10 P.M. one night and then 8 P.M. the next night only confuses them and it doesn't offer the strict scheduling they need. Make sure you put them to bed around the same time every night unless there is a special occasion that prevents that from happening.
5. Use positive reinforcement - Toddlers love small rewards. If you have a problem keeping your toddler in bed all night, make a chart for them and give them a sticker for each night they sleep in their bedroom throughout the night. If an entire night is too much to do right away, give a sticker for every hour they stay in their bedroom. After a few nights, give them a bigger reward like a toy or something they enjoy.
6. Gradually increase away time - You might hear your toddler crying because they want to sleep with mommy and daddy. But giving in to their cries will only make the problem worse. Instead, go in their bedroom every two minutes to calm them down. If they keep it up, go in at five-minute intervals. Gradually increase the time until they stop crying and they have gone to sleep.
7. Don't reinforce their behavior - Many times when a toddler crawls into bed with their parents, they are looking for attention. By talking to them, you give them the attention they want. Instead of scolding your toddler, carry them back to their bed, tuck them back in and leave the room. Do this as many times as necessary until the child learns to stay in their bedroom.
8. Spray the scary stuff away – Children have vivid imaginations. The clicking noise that the ceiling fan makes can become a “monster” to a child. My wife uses a method that works well in some instances. “Scary Spray” (pillow mist) makes the monsters go away. Use your own imagination when it comes to ridding your child’s room of creepy things.
9. Get a bed with boundaries - One reason toddlers crawl out of bed is because they don't have any visible boundaries to remind them to stay in bed. As a result, they follow their impulses and leave their bed anytime they want. A bed with rails or something similar and age-appropriate can help teach your toddler to stay in their beds. Older children might benefit from the use of a baby gate strategically placed at your or their bedroom door. Be careful that these types of barriers do not impede in the case of fire or other emergency.
There are times when adults need to be alone and have adult time. When children are invited and have become the focus of family life, marriages can become negatively affected.
Over-parenting?
Parents may have difficulty allowing the child to separate from them. Parents sometimes fail to recognize that children need to develop a sense of autonomy. Psychoanalytic theory suggests that if children do not achieve autonomy (self-rule) they may feel ashamed of their actions and doubtful of their abilities.
Parents may or may not have a problem with their child co-sleeping. Keep in mind that some cultures have practiced co-sleeping for centuries. While common Western culture promotes autonomy and independence other cultures feel that co-sleeping creates a strong bond between parent and child.
Something to consider.
Sometimes parents are overly anxious about their baby or child. Have you ever been away from your baby? Do you worry about your baby all the time when you are away? Do you have trouble not going to your baby at night every time they stir or make a peep? You might have separation issues of your own. Some parents have lots of trouble separating from their baby. This is something you need to work on if you want your baby to be able to sleep through the night. Your difficulty with separation can cause problems for your child down the road in many areas (University of Michigan Health System).
References:
Savvy daddy, http://www.savvydaddy.com/content/site/survival-guide/00189/how-get-your-toddler-sleep-their-own-bed.
Tricounty Life Coaching and Family Intervention, http://tlctricountylifecoaching.blogspot.com/
University of Michigan Health Systems, http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm
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