Effective Discipline and Limits Without a Power Struggle
Effective discipline focuses on the behavior and not the child. Below are some steps to consider while working towards improving your child’s behavior.
• A clear message: State your message in a clear and specific manner. If your child replies “just a second, later, but mommy...” follow with a reasonable consequence for non- compliance. Tell your child exactly what you want him to do, when he must do it, and what happens if he does not. Then walk away.
• Keep your emotions in check: If you show anger, you will be rewarding your child. Your anger will give your child the power over you that she seeks.
• Do not hand down consequences in anger: Your anger will only encourage your child to strike back with anger.
• Smaller consequences work better than bigger consequences: If your child thinks you have punished him too harshly, he will retaliate with power.
• The difference between power and authority lies within you:
When you have to confront your child, emphasize cooperation, not control.
Stay calm and rational in spite of the situation.
Guard your anger button.
Stop and think.
Act, do not react.
Give clear and specific expectations. Explain what will happen if your child chooses not to cooperate.
Do not give ultimatums.
Look for independence, self-reliance, leadership, and decision making. When your child shows these qualities, spotlight them. Catch him being good. As with most behavior problems, the positive approach is the best remedy for handling power a power struggle.
A Final (and very important) Note
When your child does what you ask without an argument, thank him: A little praise can go a long way.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
“Parenting your ADHD Child” Class
“Parenting your ADHD Child”
Class Meets Weekly on Wednesdays
*Pre-registration Required*
Parenting an ADHD child is no walk in the park. As parents we know that we have to make changes and adjustments by the minute. Those who are parents of an ADHD child have to make those same adjustments three seconds ago. This can be very frustrating for the parent and the child. This class will focus on how to make positive changes and ways to strengthen your relationship with your child.
A positive relationship means that you accept and love your child unconditionally. Then you can work with him to establish appropriate behaviors. Accepting your child unconditionally does not mean you accept his behavior unconditionally. It means you keep the two separate and the child knows he is loved even when he is being told his behaviors are unacceptable.
The class will cover:
· Understanding, validating, accepting your ADHD child.
· Attending to positive behaviors
· Teaching relaxation skills
If our expectations are too high, children may become discouraged, frustrated, and give up! A discouraged child feels she is no good, will never be any good, so why try? She will find someplace to fit in as she gets older, and it may not be where you want her to fit in.
Limited group size. Reserve your spot today!
*Pre-registration Required
Wednesdays, 6:00 - 7:30 PM
Tricounty Life Coaching and Family Intervention
Class is at:
895 Island Park Drive
Suite 201
Daniel Island, SC 29492
*above Bohemia Spa
$40.00 per Couple or $25.00 Individual
For information, contact Eric:
eric@tricountylifecoaching.com
Class Meets Weekly on Wednesdays
*Pre-registration Required*
Parenting an ADHD child is no walk in the park. As parents we know that we have to make changes and adjustments by the minute. Those who are parents of an ADHD child have to make those same adjustments three seconds ago. This can be very frustrating for the parent and the child. This class will focus on how to make positive changes and ways to strengthen your relationship with your child.
A positive relationship means that you accept and love your child unconditionally. Then you can work with him to establish appropriate behaviors. Accepting your child unconditionally does not mean you accept his behavior unconditionally. It means you keep the two separate and the child knows he is loved even when he is being told his behaviors are unacceptable.
The class will cover:
· Understanding, validating, accepting your ADHD child.
· Attending to positive behaviors
· Teaching relaxation skills
If our expectations are too high, children may become discouraged, frustrated, and give up! A discouraged child feels she is no good, will never be any good, so why try? She will find someplace to fit in as she gets older, and it may not be where you want her to fit in.
Limited group size. Reserve your spot today!
*Pre-registration Required
Wednesdays, 6:00 - 7:30 PM
Tricounty Life Coaching and Family Intervention
Class is at:
895 Island Park Drive
Suite 201
Daniel Island, SC 29492
*above Bohemia Spa
$40.00 per Couple or $25.00 Individual
For information, contact Eric:
eric@tricountylifecoaching.com
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Emotional Crisis: You might be saving someone’s life, or at the very least, a major traffic malfunction.
Today our local (Charleston, SC) morning news was ablaze with stories about yesterday’s events on the Ravenel Bridge. The commentaries regarding the event and ensuing traffic malfunctions ran the gamut from sympathy to anger.
Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my son who explained that he was stuck on the bridge and that it appeared that”someone was trying to blow himself up”. As any parent would, my immediate thoughts where for the safety of my son. As time passed it became clear that this person (probably) did not intend to hurt anyone else. This was (and is) a person in a great deal of emotional pain.
Consider that most of us, at some point in our lives, have endured great emotional pain without resorting to suicidal ideation. The thought may have crossed your mind but you where able to work though the problems. Perhaps talking to a family member or trusted friend helped you get through a though time. Maybe you sought professional help. What if, during a stressful time in your life, you felt like you had no one to turn too?
Events such as those that occurred yesterday are avoidable.
As the events of the afternoon continued to unfold I was thankful that the person in that car was not my son, my daughter, my wife, a family member, or a friend. I learned though social media that he is however, a friend of a friend. He is a member of our community.
My hope is that all of you, when faced with difficulties, will seek help. If you know someone who appears to be in crisis, do whatever you can to help them. Perhaps you might think it’s not your place to get involved, but consider that you might be saving someone’s life, or at the very least, a major traffic malfunction.
If you or someone you know is in crisis call 911 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
For a list of helping agencies visit:
http://www.tricountylifecoaching.com/ "helpful links"
Yesterday afternoon I received a call from my son who explained that he was stuck on the bridge and that it appeared that”someone was trying to blow himself up”. As any parent would, my immediate thoughts where for the safety of my son. As time passed it became clear that this person (probably) did not intend to hurt anyone else. This was (and is) a person in a great deal of emotional pain.
Consider that most of us, at some point in our lives, have endured great emotional pain without resorting to suicidal ideation. The thought may have crossed your mind but you where able to work though the problems. Perhaps talking to a family member or trusted friend helped you get through a though time. Maybe you sought professional help. What if, during a stressful time in your life, you felt like you had no one to turn too?
Events such as those that occurred yesterday are avoidable.
As the events of the afternoon continued to unfold I was thankful that the person in that car was not my son, my daughter, my wife, a family member, or a friend. I learned though social media that he is however, a friend of a friend. He is a member of our community.
My hope is that all of you, when faced with difficulties, will seek help. If you know someone who appears to be in crisis, do whatever you can to help them. Perhaps you might think it’s not your place to get involved, but consider that you might be saving someone’s life, or at the very least, a major traffic malfunction.
If you or someone you know is in crisis call 911 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
For a list of helping agencies visit:
http://www.tricountylifecoaching.com/ "helpful links"
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Childhood mental disorders: What’s wrong or what’s not quite right?
I’ll start by telling you that this is in no way meant to be anything other than commentary fueled by observation and a lot of research. While it’s true that much of the research I’ve done is evidence based, some is reading about trials and tribulations of parents of children who struggle with some type of mental disorder.
When it comes to physical illness, we parents seem to have an uncanny ability to sense that something is wrong with our child. When our child appears ill we make a quick assessment, and if we deem it necessary we make a call to the family physician. Little John (or Jane) has the flu, mystery solved! Your child is likely to make a full recovery in three to five days. In the mean time all of the well-wishers and offers of help from family and friends flood your house. We breathe a sigh of relief knowing that our child will be just fine and relish in knowing that so many care.
Parents also know when something is not “quite right” with our children. We can’t put our finger on it but we know that all is not well. Perhaps we notice John (or Jane) can’t seem to sit still for two seconds or that the tantrums are severe and come with no warning or trigger.
Childhood mental disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make lite of this subject. Take a minute or two and research it for yourself, do a web search and you will see what I’m talking about. The disorders run the gamut, from ADAD to schizophrenia and beyond.
What is it that is not”quite right” with our child? Unlike a case of the flu, mental illness is not as easily diagnosed nor treated. A quick check for fever and a round of antibiotics will not do the trick. You (probably) will not broadcast over social media that your child has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and even if you do, don’t expect the well-wishers to bring over a casserole. For some reason folks seem to think that mental illness is contagious. Go figure?
In next week’s post I’ll be talking about “what to expect” when you take your child to the physician. Until then remember that pizza delivery is just a phone call away, things will work out, and love your child for who they are.
When it comes to physical illness, we parents seem to have an uncanny ability to sense that something is wrong with our child. When our child appears ill we make a quick assessment, and if we deem it necessary we make a call to the family physician. Little John (or Jane) has the flu, mystery solved! Your child is likely to make a full recovery in three to five days. In the mean time all of the well-wishers and offers of help from family and friends flood your house. We breathe a sigh of relief knowing that our child will be just fine and relish in knowing that so many care.
Parents also know when something is not “quite right” with our children. We can’t put our finger on it but we know that all is not well. Perhaps we notice John (or Jane) can’t seem to sit still for two seconds or that the tantrums are severe and come with no warning or trigger.
Childhood mental disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make lite of this subject. Take a minute or two and research it for yourself, do a web search and you will see what I’m talking about. The disorders run the gamut, from ADAD to schizophrenia and beyond.
What is it that is not”quite right” with our child? Unlike a case of the flu, mental illness is not as easily diagnosed nor treated. A quick check for fever and a round of antibiotics will not do the trick. You (probably) will not broadcast over social media that your child has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and even if you do, don’t expect the well-wishers to bring over a casserole. For some reason folks seem to think that mental illness is contagious. Go figure?
In next week’s post I’ll be talking about “what to expect” when you take your child to the physician. Until then remember that pizza delivery is just a phone call away, things will work out, and love your child for who they are.
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