Effective Discipline and Limits Without a Power Struggle

Effective Discipline and Limits Without a Power Struggle

Effective discipline focuses on the behavior and not the child. Below are some steps to consider while working towards improving your child’s behavior.

• A clear message: State your message in a clear and specific manner. If your child replies “just a second, later, but mommy...” follow with a reasonable consequence for non- compliance. Tell your child exactly what you want him to do, when he must do it, and what happens if he does not. Then walk away.

• Keep your emotions in check: If you show anger, you will be rewarding your child. Your anger will give your child the power over you that she seeks.

• Do not hand down consequences in anger: Your anger will only encourage your child to strike back with anger.

• Smaller consequences work better than bigger consequences: If your child thinks you have punished him too harshly, he will retaliate with power.

• The difference between power and authority lies within you:

 When you have to confront your child, emphasize cooperation, not control.

 Stay calm and rational in spite of the situation.

 Guard your anger button.

 Stop and think.

 Act, do not react.

 Give clear and specific expectations. Explain what will happen if your child chooses not to cooperate.

 Do not give ultimatums.


Look for independence, self-reliance, leadership, and decision making. When your child shows these qualities, spotlight them. Catch him being good. As with most behavior problems, the positive approach is the best remedy for handling power a power struggle.


A Final (and very important) Note

When your child does what you ask without an argument, thank him: A little praise can go a long way.