Divorce and Your Family

Family Life After Divorce


Family life during and following a divorce can be a time of uncertainty and confusion for parents and children alike. This can be a time of emotional upheaval for all involved. Anxiety, fear, and depression, and regression are only a few of the troubling emotional disturbances that the children and parents have to deal with in the divorce process.

Effects of Divorce on Children

Young children have little understanding of the concept of divorce. Preschoolers often show signs of regression as a result of marriage difficulties. Parental conflict can result in regressive behaviors in children such as thumb-sucking, bed-wetting.and other behaviors that the child had already outgrown.

The most common reaction preschoolers have to their parents' divorce is self-blame. Preschool children whose parents divorce often feel that they have done something to cause the divorce. They feel as if their poor behavior was the cause. Often they think that if they are very good everything will be fine again. These children begin to feel that if they try really hard that mom and dad will get back together. The most important thing parents can do is to ensure children that it is not their fault and is not about them.

Effects of Divorce on Adolescents

Adolescents are more likely to question the whole idea of marriage, have financial worries, and take sides in their parents’ divorce. These young people begin to feel as if their own marriage will fail the same way their parents' marriage did. They question if marriage is really worth all the trouble and heartache

Teenagers are more likely to worry about finances than their younger siblings. During adolescence people are more self centered .Teenagers want to be sure that their parents can still afford them the lifestyle to which been accustomed. They want to still be able to buy things, places with their friends. Younger children have yet to develop the concept of money therefore it is not a burden on them.

Teenagers are more likely than their younger siblings to take sides in the divorce. They are more likely to see one parent as bad and one as good. Over time these expectations may change as the children begin to heal from the initial shock of the parents’ divorce.

Relationships after Divorce

Divorce may find you feeling empty and ready to head toward a new relationship. Although this can be an exciting time, it is a time to use caution and judgment. Many people find that first relationships following divorce are great and exciting but do not last. Often these people have not given themselves or their children time to grieve and heal from the process of divorce. They find that their children are not yet ready to accept a different figure in their lives.

Conclusion

There is little that can be referred to as good in most divorces cases, especially those that include children. Parents need to be mindful that children view the breakup very differently than their parents. These children tend to blame themselves and may fall into depression. It is imperative that parents who are in marital discourse put the best interest of the children first. Parents need to be honest and open to the degree that the child can comprehend and never use children as spies or emotional crutches. The child’s current and future wellbeing depends greatly on how parents handle themselves during and after divorce.



References

Divorceinfo.com, Retrieved April 12, 2011 from http://www.divorceinfo.htm