I’ll start by telling you that this is in no way meant to be anything other than commentary fueled by observation and a lot of research. While it’s true that much of the research I’ve done is evidence based, some is reading about trials and tribulations of parents of children who struggle with some type of mental disorder.
When it comes to physical illness, we parents seem to have an uncanny ability to sense that something is wrong with our child. When our child appears ill we make a quick assessment, and if we deem it necessary we make a call to the family physician. Little John (or Jane) has the flu, mystery solved! Your child is likely to make a full recovery in three to five days. In the mean time all of the well-wishers and offers of help from family and friends flood your house. We breathe a sigh of relief knowing that our child will be just fine and relish in knowing that so many care.
Parents also know when something is not “quite right” with our children. We can’t put our finger on it but we know that all is not well. Perhaps we notice John (or Jane) can’t seem to sit still for two seconds or that the tantrums are severe and come with no warning or trigger.
Childhood mental disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make lite of this subject. Take a minute or two and research it for yourself, do a web search and you will see what I’m talking about. The disorders run the gamut, from ADAD to schizophrenia and beyond.
What is it that is not”quite right” with our child? Unlike a case of the flu, mental illness is not as easily diagnosed nor treated. A quick check for fever and a round of antibiotics will not do the trick. You (probably) will not broadcast over social media that your child has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and even if you do, don’t expect the well-wishers to bring over a casserole. For some reason folks seem to think that mental illness is contagious. Go figure?
In next week’s post I’ll be talking about “what to expect” when you take your child to the physician. Until then remember that pizza delivery is just a phone call away, things will work out, and love your child for who they are.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Love? Lust? (or) I Really Don’t Care!
Love? Lust? (or) I Really Don’t Care!
Relationships can be tough business. Whether you are in a current relationship or thinking about getting involved with someone you might find it helpful to ask yourself a few questions about the ONE!
You would like him/her to love you for your:
• Looks/body?
• Mind-The way you view life?
• You really don’t care because it’s just physical anyway.
If your answer is “it’s just physical” you can stop reading. This is about finding long lasting committed love.
What you should consider when looking for Mr. or Ms. Right?
• Cultural background- they may eat different foods, speak different languages, and have significant differences in cultural values.
• Compatibility/Interests- Let’s be honest, if he’s a couch potato and you are a mountain biker you might want to think twice about a relationship.
• Religion- It might not be a big deal in the beginning but religion can become a sticky problem when children come along.
• Mental health- In sickness and in health...sometimes easier said than done. Marriage is not easy to begin with, add the stressors of mental illness and you might find yourself in divorce court. Planning children? Keep in mind that genetics can be a factor in your child’s mental health as well.
You can’t change another person and you have no right to try to change your partner. Don’t promise to change if your potential partner can’t accept you as you are.
Relationships can be tough business. Whether you are in a current relationship or thinking about getting involved with someone you might find it helpful to ask yourself a few questions about the ONE!
You would like him/her to love you for your:
• Looks/body?
• Mind-The way you view life?
• You really don’t care because it’s just physical anyway.
If your answer is “it’s just physical” you can stop reading. This is about finding long lasting committed love.
What you should consider when looking for Mr. or Ms. Right?
• Cultural background- they may eat different foods, speak different languages, and have significant differences in cultural values.
• Compatibility/Interests- Let’s be honest, if he’s a couch potato and you are a mountain biker you might want to think twice about a relationship.
• Religion- It might not be a big deal in the beginning but religion can become a sticky problem when children come along.
• Mental health- In sickness and in health...sometimes easier said than done. Marriage is not easy to begin with, add the stressors of mental illness and you might find yourself in divorce court. Planning children? Keep in mind that genetics can be a factor in your child’s mental health as well.
“I don't necessarily want a divorce...just some space. Just some space to feel like my own person... someone not weighed down by mental illness 24/7.”
~ http://www.schizophrenia.com/blog20/
The #1 thing to remember when considering a potential partner is…
Acceptance
“Don’t worry mom! He/she won’t do that when we get married”
You can’t change another person and you have no right to try to change your partner. Don’t promise to change if your potential partner can’t accept you as you are.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Minimize the Stuff, Minimize the Stress!
Most of us know the answers to our problems but we just can’t see past the trees. Sometimes when we concentrate on the minute details of a problem, you lose sight of the overall picture; in other words you focus on the unimportant, rather than on the important things. You lose site of the big picture; as the old saying goes, “you can't see the forest for the trees.”
The answers to most of our problems are in the forest; the big picture, but we can’t or don’t slow down enough to see through the trees; the minute details. Think of this way; we get frustrated and stressed because our house is a mess. We come home to find the floor covered in toys and clothes strewn about. In our rush to get things done we begin barking orders; pick up those toys and put those dirty clothes away! Like a bad cold, our frustration and stress has now spread throughout the house. Your family has now stormed off to their bedrooms while you look around wondering how things have gotten so out of control. Could it be that we have lost sight of the big picture and have found ourselves focusing on the minute details
How much is too much?
Have you ever looked in your child’s room and are unable to see the floor because it is completely covered by toys? You tell your child to put his things away only to come back to find the problem worse. Children don’t see the big picture, only the doll or truck that they are playing with at that moment. We on the other hand see a mess! The question here is “who owns the problem” or rather, who created the problem?
Too many trees! I can’t see the forest!
Many of us are guilty of overindulgence. Our children have lots of toys but we buy more. Holidays and birthdays come and go, and the toys continue to grow but we never throw any of them out. Stop doing what doesn’t work! Keep in mind that what parents see as a “mess” can be a daunting and overwhelming task for a 4 year old. Don’t expect that the “mess” that took your child two hours to create will be properly cleaned up and put away in ten minutes. Our children are so overstimulated by the volume of stuff that we help them accumulate that they lose the ability to concentrate and focus. Provide your child with a manageable number of toys; not manageable by you, but by your child!
The toys are a minute detail of a bigger problem. The problem is stress. Many of us have a propensity for overburdening ourselves; in other words we create our own mess by our attempts to please others. We can’t say no! We find ourselves involved in the PTA, church committees, and the neighborhood association. On top of all that we have to get our kids to soccer, dance, and cheerleading practice. With all of this going on plus your 50 hour a week job, you find yourself too worn out to manage your home.
Ways to help alleviate stress and better manage your home.
• Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them, refuse to accept added responsibilities. Taking on more than you can handle is a recipe for stress.
• Take control of your environment – If the old clothes and that mountain of toys causes you stress, get rid of them; minimize the stuff, minimize the stress.
• Avoid people who stress you out – If someone causes stress limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
• Manage your to-do list – Take a hard look your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, drop tasks that aren’t necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
For more on stress management please visit:
http://helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm
The answers to most of our problems are in the forest; the big picture, but we can’t or don’t slow down enough to see through the trees; the minute details. Think of this way; we get frustrated and stressed because our house is a mess. We come home to find the floor covered in toys and clothes strewn about. In our rush to get things done we begin barking orders; pick up those toys and put those dirty clothes away! Like a bad cold, our frustration and stress has now spread throughout the house. Your family has now stormed off to their bedrooms while you look around wondering how things have gotten so out of control. Could it be that we have lost sight of the big picture and have found ourselves focusing on the minute details
How much is too much?
Have you ever looked in your child’s room and are unable to see the floor because it is completely covered by toys? You tell your child to put his things away only to come back to find the problem worse. Children don’t see the big picture, only the doll or truck that they are playing with at that moment. We on the other hand see a mess! The question here is “who owns the problem” or rather, who created the problem?
Too many trees! I can’t see the forest!
Many of us are guilty of overindulgence. Our children have lots of toys but we buy more. Holidays and birthdays come and go, and the toys continue to grow but we never throw any of them out. Stop doing what doesn’t work! Keep in mind that what parents see as a “mess” can be a daunting and overwhelming task for a 4 year old. Don’t expect that the “mess” that took your child two hours to create will be properly cleaned up and put away in ten minutes. Our children are so overstimulated by the volume of stuff that we help them accumulate that they lose the ability to concentrate and focus. Provide your child with a manageable number of toys; not manageable by you, but by your child!
The toys are a minute detail of a bigger problem. The problem is stress. Many of us have a propensity for overburdening ourselves; in other words we create our own mess by our attempts to please others. We can’t say no! We find ourselves involved in the PTA, church committees, and the neighborhood association. On top of all that we have to get our kids to soccer, dance, and cheerleading practice. With all of this going on plus your 50 hour a week job, you find yourself too worn out to manage your home.
Ways to help alleviate stress and better manage your home.
• Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them, refuse to accept added responsibilities. Taking on more than you can handle is a recipe for stress.
• Take control of your environment – If the old clothes and that mountain of toys causes you stress, get rid of them; minimize the stuff, minimize the stress.
• Avoid people who stress you out – If someone causes stress limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
• Manage your to-do list – Take a hard look your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you’ve got too much on your plate, drop tasks that aren’t necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.
For more on stress management please visit:
http://helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm
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